Sunday, December 14, 2014

Loving My Feet

Today I decided I'd start with embracing my feet. What I once thought were too big, I now think they are just perfect. My size nine feet are outspoken. They swell to let me know I've been standing for way too long. My pointer bends slightly when I am completely relaxed, giving my husband something to laugh about. My pinky nail is really, really short but it's the sweetest thing to me now because my daughter has the same thing. My feet have supported me in everything and everywhere I go. They've survived me squeezing them into a size smaller when I worked in a sneaker store and wanted to wear the coolest kicks, regardless of the size. They kept me steady when I wore heels a size too big. My feet are slightly wide. I have a total of ten fingers. The bottoms of my feet are smooth thanks to my pumice bar. I have five very fine hardly visible hairs on my big toe. I can pick things up with my toes. My arch isn't too high nor is it flat. It's just right. My feet look amazing in heels. My feet don't mind me standing for long hours, nor do they mind the running I do. I give back to my feet with weekly/ bi-weekly pedicures. I massage them and dress them up in attracting polishes.  What's even more fascinating is that I learned certain points of my soles are connected to vital organs. 
 I love my feet. They are beautiful and I am thankful for them. 

Love Every Inch Of Your Beautiful Self

When was the last time you looked in the mirror and complimented yourself? More than just "I'm having a good hair day" or " this color is cute on me"? When did you stand in front of that mirror and really love what you saw and appreciated it? I've decided I owe it to myself. My husband doesn't allow me to go a day forgetting how beautiful I am. For that I am grateful. But I feel the need to take a look a myself and remind myself that I am beautiful, that I love every inch of me and why. I've decided to pick out one thing a day and embrace it. I promised myself not to feel guilty for it. Growing up I was so weary of being called conceited. At this point in my life, I'm not concerned about that. I love me and the way I look. My body shape, the way I walk, my long arms, my long neck. I love it all. I can finally shout this at the top of my lungs with no concern for others calling me stuck up or conceited. We are all beautiful. We deserve to know it and not just rely on being told. 
For someone who isn't comfortable doing this or feels like they can't find a positive things to say, I think this is a first step in realizing how beautiful you are. 

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Strong Enough To Love Me

I feel here but not really here. It's almost like I'm watching this figure of a girl that resembles someone I'd like to be. I love who she's become but not who she's becoming. I feel so out of zone. Should I even be in a zone.  Night is day, day is... well, day, hot is cold, cold is hot. Excitement comes once in awhile but it feels rather dull. Happiness feels a little painful. There's an abrupt lack of interest and my reaction time is like a slow play back. I know how I ended up feeling this way but not sure that I can say it was a bad decision. I do believe that I was once physically stronger and much more capable of physically withstanding whatever was in my way. However, I also know, for a fact, that although I may not be as physically capable I am mentally capable. I have been able to keep myself together. I am stronger. Stronger because I am not defeated. My mind is my strongest muscle. The girl I see somehow thought the strength was represented by her physical. But as we sit together to write this, I feel she's come to the realization that this particular moment should be classified as not worth it. After all, if she isn't happy with her, there is nothing up for discussion. I will love myself. I do love myself. 

Thursday, June 19, 2014


Circumstances have resulted in my husband and I having to make a decision that will require us to be apart. It has also resulted in him with our oldest and me with out two youngest. This entire decision left me feeling pain, anger, anticipation, resentment and even joy somewhere in the mix. The joy came from knowing that the children would have some where to comfortably lay their head. My 13 hour drive helped me sort out some of my emotions. I am being strong for my youngest and middle child. I don't want them to see me break. At times I find myself ready to tear up, but it's from happiness. I am seeing the upside of things. It hurts that I had to remove my little ones from the structure my husband and I try so hard to build. The structure of a loving mother and father in a bonded home. It hurts that my children can't see, hold or touch their dad. But, they are able to hear, speak and see him at least twice a day. The relationship my husband and I have is so extraordinary that this experience will also contribute to teaching our children the real meaning if a loving mother and father. Our bond through out this will also prove to them that it isn't easily broken. Especially for our oldest, his awareness of the constant contact for a simple good morning, afternoon or good night, will allow him to realize that when we care and have love for something, distance doesn't matter. As I'm typing, more relief comes over me. I am so happy that my husband and I share similar passions. Our growing family is so very important to us. Our paths always include " will it benefit us as a whole". The marriage we have is built around love, dedication, loyalty, attraction and truth! Not a single thought of what my husband may do or not do while I am not within miles. No signs of jealousy or fear that our marriage will be broken has formed. And that itself is such a blessing. That is another confirmation, that what we have is so much bigger than anyone can even imagine. There are moments each of us will miss because we aren't physically there. Retelling stories or scenarios will not be the same. Some of the pain won't be easy to explain. Through all of those moments though we will get by. With the love that my husband and I have and the things we have already gone through, we will get through this stronger and smarter. I can't lie and say I can't wait to see the sparkle in his eyes and that melting smile he has when he sees his little man running to him and hears his princess chant "daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy". Nor can I say I don't yearn for the day I can feel his soft, muscular arms wrap around me and tell me "your beautiful my queen". Until that moment I will lay his shirt with us at bed time and call him at breakfast, lunch and dinner. We will follow the promises made in our vows and remain loyal through the shiny, cloudy, rainy and stormy days.